i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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