last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
