im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
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Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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