sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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