my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
