I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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