My room smells like vodka and shame
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
