my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
