you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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