Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
