That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
