I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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