i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
