loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
