I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
