woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
