What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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