Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
