fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
