I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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