Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
