I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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