i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
