I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Boobs speak an international language.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
