we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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