mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
