I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
