IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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