Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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