butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
