i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
