I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
