You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
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Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
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She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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