My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
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Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
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weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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