dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
