I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
