didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Duck Duck Cougar?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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