no, he came in my armpit
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Randomize
