I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
3 2 1 whiskey
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
