he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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