woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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