It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
