Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
