i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
BRING THE BAGELS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
