You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
