Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
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That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
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You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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