There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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