cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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