someone get that fucking seahorse.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
