This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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