A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she peed on how many people?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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