Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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