I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
