just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
id be glad to
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
