new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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