i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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