Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if you like me you must not know who I am
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
