I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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