there's paper in my vomit.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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