soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
