my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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