don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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