This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
