woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
