i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you inspire me to be a worse person
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
