you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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