The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
