apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
