Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize