I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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